Sunday, September 18, 2011

Querencia (Draft)

After a long day of hanging out with my friends, I couldn't wait to go home and sink into my bed. I step out of my aunties car, left foot first, and go to the trunk and grab my belongings. I give everyone a good-bye, and I thank auntie for the giving me a ride. I grab my keys to our rusted, 10 year old metal front door, pushing it through the key-hole, twisting it to the left, and finally opening the door. As I open the door, the house alarm goes on. Entering our code, the irritating, beeping noise of the alarm finally shuts off. I look back and wave good-bye as I watch their car drive away. Quickly, I rush my way up the stairs, turn to my left, and open the first door on my right filled with a variety of stickers, which all seem to have the color scheme of red, black, and white.

Entering my room, knowing that it's the hottest room in this house at any time, I look to my left and grab the AC remote, face the remote toward to AC, and I press the maroon colored "Start/Stop" button. The AC makes a beeping noise telling that it's on. I walk a few more feet, and bend a little to turn on my fan. While the room is cooling down, I drop all my belongings carelessly on my old, 10-15 year old couches with the fabric ripped and its foam flowing out from the side, previously from my old house right down the street. I barely sit on those couches, knowing that it probably has bugs living in it. I don't really know why my parent's don't bother to throw it away. I turn further to my left, and I open up my closet filled with dried up writings/messages from my middle school friends and change out of my "going out" clothes into my house clothes. Looking to my left and right, around the room, I see my diamond-shaped collage made out of pictures taken within that last two years, my dust-collecting bookshelf that is filled with pictures from when I was a little child, my old, rusted film cameras, and my TV that I barely use.. only to watch Jersey Shore.  I look to the farthest wall in my room, and to the left, on the corner, I see my "desk" that's filled with dust. It isn't really used for its purposes.. basically, it's used as storage for all my unnecessary things. Above my desk is filled with many of my graduation posters made by my friends & family.

A couple of minutes later, it's as if it turned from Summer to Winter. I sink into my comforter and pillows as if I were in a movie. Laying against the side of my bed, I grab my laptop and open it up. Logging into Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr, I see everyone's updates about the weather, how bad/good their day was, what they're doing right now, etc. From my left, I feel the air blowing toward my skin from my 3 foot high fan. I shut off my laptop, set it to the side, and lay down. Staring at the ceiling, I thank God for giving me this fun-filled day, and peacefully, a few minutes later, I fall asleep.

4 comments:

  1. Hey Maurice !
    Okay first of all, I love all the sensory details you put in you're draft ! It really made me feel like I was there watching everything.. sounds creepy.. LOL. You really did a good job on describing what you're room looks like and what you do when you come home. Although, I think you can explain a little bit more on how this is you're Querencia. Just explain why your room is so special to you and I think you would be done !

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  2. Hii Maurice,
    I like how you have an order to things in your essay, from the time you come home until you fall asleep. You have a lot of sensory details & this helps when describing your room, which I could imagine-even without seeing that picuture.
    Some things I think you could improve on is maybe picking a specific time in where you could be yourself in your room, just a specific story to give us the idea of your "querencia". The first part, I got slightly confused, but thats probably just me, because I thought you were coming home from like a family thing..

    Anywho, I really like ur essay & I really look forward to seeing ur final:D

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  3. Hi maurice
    i like how your essay is put together it has alot of sensory details and you have very good ideas. this essay will be really good when its time for your final good luck

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  4. Hi Maurice,
    I agree with your partners that you have a lot of specific detail here. Lina and Joy, however, also give you some accurate advice on how to improve. Notice that both of them are essentially asking you to show more focus, to select your details and shape your essay so that the resulting picture is not just of a room, but of a querencia.
    Think about the details and how they "add up" to the idea of querencia, a "nurturing place." Emphasize and develop the parts of the description that relate to your identity and minimize or delete the details that don't really contribute.
    LMK if you have questions.
    NOTE to Ryan: You need to put much more thought and effort into your commentary for it to count. Right now, it's just vague, general stuff that's not very helpful at all.
    mrs s

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