This I Believe RD

Guards Built Higher Than Ever

Trust. We know it, we're aware of it, and we hold it with all our might - either with someone or ourselves. They have the saying "Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none." We only trust those who have proven themselves, keeping our biggest secrets and hiding our biggest lies. We trust those who are there to listen when we're screaming for help. We trust those who offer a shoulder to lean on when we're in distress. For some of us, we consider them as our best friends. Some people trust anyone they come across, and others have their wall built up and only trust a few, maybe even none. As for me, it wasn't until last year that I started believing in this thing called "trust" and "best friends."

Growing up in a private school, I had no one to consider a true "best friend." I came across a few good, trustworthy friends here and there but I was soon "replaced" by someone better or they used my secrets against me as a form of revenge. See, trust was a word that roamed around everywhere. It was all around me. I saw it between people, felt it between many others - but me.  I trusted no one. No one trusted me. I don't know why, though. I was always the one who was considered the odd ball because I didn't know anything. I would sit on the side amongst my circle of friends as I observe them putting their hands by their ears and covering their mouths, glancing over at certain people and sharing a few giggles. Let's say, I was definitely a "curious" one, constantly wondering "What's going on?" "Who are they talking about?" Yet sometimes I was the one who was the topic of conversation. And this wasn't in a good way.

It's like every one had someone to run to. I didn't. I would constantly wish that I could be one of those who shares anything and everything with their "best friend." But as months and days passed, it was sooner than I knew that nothing would happen. We're all parting our separate ways anyway, right? I felt useless. It felt useless. I was waiting for nothing. It was like a lost dog waiting to get cared and loved by someone, somewhere, somehow, but no one came to the rescue. My guards were at its highest point. 

I came to a public high school and only knew a few. Once again I roamed around, hopefully finding a group of friends who I would love. I met a few people here and there and for some I felt a bond yet for others I didn't. I tried hanging out with different people, but it wasn't until toward the end of my freshman year that my whole perspective of "trust" and "best friends" had taken a 180 degree turn. I don't know how it happened or why it happened, but fate led me and 6 other individuals together. Of course I had my guards up, though. I didn't want the same thing to happen to me again where I put my full trust in someone, but they end up using it against me and later walk out of my life. I made sure that I would prevent that from happening, but my instinct reassured me this isn't history that's about to repeat itself. 

As nerdy as it may sound, everything started with a video we all produced, just for fun. Although they may be 2 years older than me, it's as if at that moment everything had clicked, somewhat like puzzle pieces finally coming together. We all had something in common, something that I had never found with anyone else; photography and video making. We loved working with cameras, either if we were behind it or in front of it. We would laugh at the dumbest jokes, talk about the stupidest things, and more so - be ourselves. Months passed, my guards we're gradually lowering, and we grew closer and  became more comfortable with each other. We would send the ugliest pictures to each other and I would embarrass myself in front of them, knowing that they won't judge me without a doubt. I got to know them and they got to know me. We understood each other and the situations we went go through. I knew I could count on them, and I hope they know they could count on me. 

It's been a year since we've met. Yes, I've heard the question many times. The question that haunts me 'till this day. The question that saddens me a little every time I get asked. "What are you gonna do once they graduate?" "Who are you gonna hang out with?" So what if they're two years older than me? They're ready to graduate and I am fully aware of that. Although we've only known each other for not as long as other friendships, I can say that they're my backbone to life, my support system. They're the 3rd greatest thing in life, following God and my family. They've impacted me in so many ways words can't even explain. They've helped me discover who I am. They made me feel like I'm actually worth something.

Like every other relationship, we went through rough patches yet still managed to stitch it up. We've overcame many difficulties with our hands locked in each others, sticking together and guiding each other through everything we come across. Don't get me wrong, but I've had doubts and second thoughts on if middle school we're about to repeat itself. This time around, I can say that this isn't a friendship that's gonna end when they graduate, it's something that will last forever. But even when they part, fate will bring us all together somehow, like how it did when we all first met. I only have a week left with them, and this I believe that when you let your guards down and allow people in, something great will happen.